I give up !

This is so important !!

We waste so much time and energy on people that clearly don't care about us.  Why is that?  Why do we need people to like us? Why do we expect people to like us? I wonder that all the time. It seems like if someone does not care about me or for me I spend energy analyzing what I have done or more often - what have I done to this person to make them dislike me.  Am I the problem or am I the solution. I try so hard to figure it out that I think I am going crazy.  I reach out and get no response.  I call and no response.  What if these people are my family - aren't they supposed to like me?

I try to act like it does not bother me, however it bothers me a lot.  Quick example - birthdays come and go.  For theirs I FB message, text and CALLED on the phone.  I actually spoke to them for a bit.  Mostly about work or the kids - not what I would have considered personal at all. My birthday comes along and I get FB messages.  No one bothered to call.  It really makes me sad as this was exactly what my mom predicted would happen.  We gathered there in March and reassured her we would all be fine and  together.  After mom died and we spent a week together doing things, I was thinking well maybe her thinking was just that thinking about what would happened when she left this world.  I think I have spoken to 1 once in 3 years - because I called on the birthday.  2 of them just a handful of times - again because I call.  I was determined at Christmas not to call.  I did not and neither did they. One I speak with all the time as we are in the same boat.  No one includes her calls her, nothing.  It's really sad and I am glad I have her. What happened after mom died?  I think that they were all so busy and together and I was away that they no longer think I am part of their family or a sibling. Is that possible?  We have always been so close - at least I thought. Do they blame me because I was not there for the months they were all taking care of her?  Do they blame me for not allowing mom to come out the last 2 years?  I try not to make this about me, but since I talk to no one that is what I have come up with. I pray about this daily and wonder if they do too? Do I have the wrong attitude? What am I supposed to think?  What am I to do?  Keep doing the same - no one talking?

My hubby had a solution one night when I was crying, he suggested I call and ask them what is the matter?  Maybe they are just so busy with their own lives they don't think about me.  I guess that is a solution I will have to ponder.  Maybe they are waiting for me to ask, waiting for me to decide for them.  Oh, well, I will have to write more on this later.  We shall see.

Hungarian Beef Stew - random I know.

I bet you are wondering where this came from?  

Facebook actually.  Someone posted a picture of Hungarian Beef Stew and the memories came flooding in.

 See, this is the problem.  I LOVE Hungarian stew and you would think it would be easy to find in Hungry.  I, along with my mom, visited my sister and BIL in Romania where they lived in 1999.  We were there for a few weeks and traveled around Romania before embarking on our journey back to the USA.  This journey brought us through Hungry.  What a beautiful country and it's a good thing my sister and BIL knew where they were going as the street signs were about a mile long and I would be lost.  They had stayed at this cute motel and we went into the city of Budapest one of the days before flying out.  We were on a mission as I was craving authentic Hungarian beef stew.  We checked several menus along this main street and finally found what I was dreaming of for days.  Hungarian Stew.  It was so delicious I could not get enough.  I even bought some authentic spices so I was able to make this at home which I did on several occasions. 

Thanks Facebook and cooking light magazine for posting this wonderful picture and bringing me back to a wonder visit and my only visit abroad.

Leave me a comment if there is something this picture reminds you of.

Goofy Dog - I love you.

Where to start this - my goofy looking black lab named Cody.  We have several names for him as I think most people to.  Tom calls him Mr., Mr. Big, especially when he is riding in the truck doing errands.  When we are trail walking he is bullet and Mr., or speeding bullet when he is tearing down the path towards us.  We have learned to get out of the way or Cody will run us over.

We choose Cody in May when we were just back from Florida.  We had lost our Akita between Christmas and New Years 2013.  We had decided to wait a few months before getting another dog of any kind.  WELL, that changed when a girl we know posted a picture of a puppy she was fostering.  It was love at first sight or bite.

Who could resist this face... certainly not me.  That blue eye instantly pulled me in.  Tom was in love too.  His birth date was April 16, 2014.  He was mine for sure the date was the same date my mom died the previous year.  That too was a sign.  We had to wait 2 more weeks and he was not 8 weeks yet.  

PS I should have seen the stick and realized what that meant.  He was the most adorable monster I have ever known.  throwing balls under the couch and being able to get them.  Under the beds too.  I have some great pictures with him sneaking under the bed with socks and things we normally would not have - sticks that we let him in the house with not realizing he like to make kindling.  lol  the things we learn quickly or not too quickly in my case. 

Never before have I had a dog who loved to be on the couch or sleep in my bed.   

Someone is in the wrong bed...

This one is empty.
More on this later.

Do you ever wonder ??? I DO.

This was circling around on FB yesterday and I had already done my blog post for the day so as I sat here reading this it really made me THINK.  That is the point right.

At the moment, I'm not sure I really exist in many peoples lives.  I did a test for most of 2015 and it's exactly what I thought. If I don't call people including family, they don't call either.  I have a feeling this will make some people mad - oh well.

Do you think a text is the same thing as calling?
Do you wonder why I don't call?  
Do you wonder if I'm ok? 
Do you wonder if I am still alive?
Do you wonder anything about me.  
Do you think of me? 
Do I still exist? 
Do I have family?
Do I have siblings? 
Do I have friends? 

When I hear Songs I think of ....
1.) Why are there so many songs about rainbows - Kermit - DB
2.) Jump - VanHalen - TH
3.) Journey - any of them really - CL
4.) Private Dancer - Tina Turner - DU
5.) Yellow Submarine - DB
6.) Neil Young - Again any song - TS

I too wonder about the story part - Growing up I had what I considered a best friend.  We went to the same church and different schools.  But since I was active in our church and so was she we were able to spend time together.  As we grew up things changed when I move here to LP.  I did not have a phone so we wrote back and forth.  I 'm not sure why or what changed but we were not as close and that part makes sense. I would contact her when I was home and we would get together.  We sat together at church and talked like we had just seen each other.  One year it changed big time.  We had planned to get together and I had borrowed my moms car, I took her to work so I would have it for our meeting.  When I got back home there was a message from her ... I had forgotten I promised my SIL that we would get together and sew for the day. I was shocked!!!  That is your OUT.  You are sewing with your SIL.  I called her back and she would not budge.  I was so hurt and mad that she did this. She could sew any day.  I tried the next few times to get together and she either didn't answer the phone or didn't have time.  One time I saw her in my moms favorite restaurant.  She was behind us but I recognized her voice.  I turned and spoke to her.  She was quiet and I said a few things and we left.  I never saw her again.  Move forward to a few years ago.  My first friend here in Lake Placid was really sick and was dying from throat cancer.  We had a great chat and I brought up this event.  He said - you know, you should probably try to contact her and let her know you are thinking about her... Funny.  I did - I called her at the church she was working for and it was like pulling teeth.  I asked several questions and she gave 1 word answers and asked nothing in return.  Eventually I gave up and hung up the phone.  I still think of her today and wonder what I did...I sent several cards asking what I did, What Happened to us.. Today - I still don't know.  

I sent one final card 2 years ago at Christmas saying this was my final contact and have a great life.  Since you don't want to tell me what I did - I'm going to assume I did nothing and the problem is YOU!  Well I hope you are happy.  Merry Christmas and thanks for nothing.  I thought that I might get a response but again NOPE.  I really think about her and the funny part is - 
* She worked for a church
* She's a Christian
* She has a family and they don't really talk.
* Her parents think we still are in contact... um I left in 1981.

Gets funnier - she lives on the same street as my brother...  lol - I would so love to go back and maybe take a walk around the neighbor hood and wait to see if I see her.  The look would be worth what I have been thinking for years.  

So, if you are thinking of someone today as you read this - CONTACT them.  They might be dead the next time you think about them and you would have missed out. - That story for a different day.  

  
 



 

Who ate my collar?

This is funny.  NOT really.

So I bring my 6 month old puppy to doggie day care a few days a week for play dates and socializing... He has outgrown his puppy collar and I had one from a previous dog that I was going to use.  I loved it - it was blue and was reflective.  I thought we need to wait a bit for him to grow and the collar would fit better.

I waited a bit and yes, he finally fits into the blue collar.  I am so excited I mention to the girls at daycare - he's in his big boy collar.  They are also excited because they felt he was getting to strong and big for the puppy collar.  My husband has been trying to get me to purchase a different collar.  He thought the lab needed his own.  NOT a used one.  lol.

Our lab is at doggie daycare from 10 AM to 4 PM on this particular day.  My husband goes to pay and the girl behind the counter says to him... I have good news and bad news.  My husband says OK.  She says the dog is fine... and holds us the new/used doggie collar.  It is been eaten in two.  She's like I don't know how this happened but someone bit though his collar.  Knowing that my lab does not sit still for more that 2 seconds I find that hard to believe.  My husband says... my wife will NEVER believe this as I have been trying to buy a new collar for weeks and she says no, this one is great. They assure him, a puppy chewed through it when he was sleeping.  Several times during nap time, the puppies are all curled up in balls, all intertwined. 

My husband calls me with this story and I was sure he was kidding me...  He arrived at my store with the lab wearing his shiny bright blue and green collar.  It's beautiful I have to admit.  I still had a hard time believing my husband had nothing to do this this.  I check the old collar for cut marks and it sure does not look like anyone cut the collar.  definite shredding.  I call the puppy day care place and talk to the girl.  I hear the story from her.  She assures me my husband had nothing to do with the new bright collar.  This collar is guaranteed for life.  If another dog chews it, they replace it for free.  They now take his collar off just in case.  lol

My Feet hurt Mom - can you carry me?

 Today is Sunday October 26th, 2014.

It's raining and about 40 degrees in Lake Placid.  Wishing this might change to snow.  Many are not.

A small family walked by this morning all bundled up with rain gear and heading to the coffee shop.  One little girl was not happy to be walking in the rain.

Little girl to mom - Mom, my shoes are getting wet.  How far do we have to walk.  Mom to girl - not that much further and you are wearing sneakers, they will dry out.  Girl clearly not happy with that answer I can tell as they stand by the cross walk.  The cars do not stop and the girl wants to go.  Finally one stops and the family cross.  They enter the coffee shop across the street from my store.  They stay inside for a bit and then I see them on the other side walking past and the girls is still not happy about her wet feet or having to walk.  Girl to mom - MOM, MY SOCKS are WET.  I can't walk any more - my feet hurt - can you carry me.  Mom to girl - sorry, I am carrying all the bags and the coffee.  If you want me to leave your toys here so I can carry you that fine.  The mom puts the bag with the toys on the flower bench to pick up the girl and the girls feel suddenly get better.  Girl to Mom - what do you know mom, my feet are much better.  Must have been that little break in the coffee shop.

I thought the way the mom handled this was wonderful.  So many times all you hear is yelling and no solution.  Here is the solution - when the decision to carry the girl and leave the toys behind - she suddenly was better.  lol

They can not see me in here, but I was smiling.  What a way to turn this situation around.  No one yelling, mom not really frustrated, no real crying, just a little whining.  

Think about the way you would handle this.    Have a wonderful day.

Backpack man

Today is October 24, 2014

My observation of a Main Street walker today.

Backpack man with umbrella blocking the side walk to you have to walk in the street to pass or worse - pass between him standing on the edge of the sidewalk facing the gradual hill where his back pack is residing. It is raining so now he has his umbrella out.  Blocking more of the sidewalk. A little lady with a cane has to pass by to get to her car in the parking lot. She is with her daughter. You can see she is wondering which way to go. Between the man with the umbrella and his backpack or around the man, into the street. She chooses the street.  The man turns and says something to her. He speaks quietly and I can't hear what he has to say.  Cane woman looks at him as I get ready to run out of the store to help, I see she and her daughter continue to go into the parking lot and get to their car safely.

From my window I watch each person struggle with the decision... to go between or go into the street.  Most choose the street for their own reasons of flee or fight.  I too had to make this decision as I walk to my store.  I smile when I walk down the hill and he is not there.  Then the smile leaves and I notice that he was not gone, he has just moved.  

He is talking to himself as I pass by minding my own business.  I don't walk close enough to hear him.  He stands leaning on the railing with his cup out for tips.  Backpack is on the ground as he meditates.  He has his eyes closed for the most part.  Opens them when people pass by.  He paces back and forth along the sidewalk.  He goes down about 5 stores in one direction and back the other way.  Down 5-6 stores and back to his starting point.  I can hear him talk and would assume he is talking to someone on the phone.  He is not.  Just listen to him.  FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS.  That is what he says each time he passes by.  

I wonder why he is here? Does he have family here? Why this time of year?  Winters here are brutal.  Where does he sleep at night?  Do you put $ into his cup?  do you offer food.  What do YOU do...

I am thankful I do have a home, warm clothes, food, a job, family.  What are you thankful for?

Have a great night and remember what you are thankful for tonight when you go to sleep.