This is so important !!
We waste so much time and energy on people that clearly don't care about us. Why is that? Why do we need people to like us? Why do we expect people to like us? I wonder that all the time. It seems like if someone does not care about me or for me I spend energy analyzing what I have done or more often - what have I done to this person to make them dislike me. Am I the problem or am I the solution. I try so hard to figure it out that I think I am going crazy. I reach out and get no response. I call and no response. What if these people are my family - aren't they supposed to like me?
I try to act like it does not bother me, however it bothers me a lot. Quick example - birthdays come and go. For theirs I FB message, text and CALLED on the phone. I actually spoke to them for a bit. Mostly about work or the kids - not what I would have considered personal at all. My birthday comes along and I get FB messages. No one bothered to call. It really makes me sad as this was exactly what my mom predicted would happen. We gathered there in March and reassured her we would all be fine and together. After mom died and we spent a week together doing things, I was thinking well maybe her thinking was just that thinking about what would happened when she left this world. I think I have spoken to 1 once in 3 years - because I called on the birthday. 2 of them just a handful of times - again because I call. I was determined at Christmas not to call. I did not and neither did they. One I speak with all the time as we are in the same boat. No one includes her calls her, nothing. It's really sad and I am glad I have her. What happened after mom died? I think that they were all so busy and together and I was away that they no longer think I am part of their family or a sibling. Is that possible? We have always been so close - at least I thought. Do they blame me because I was not there for the months they were all taking care of her? Do they blame me for not allowing mom to come out the last 2 years? I try not to make this about me, but since I talk to no one that is what I have come up with. I pray about this daily and wonder if they do too? Do I have the wrong attitude? What am I supposed to think? What am I to do? Keep doing the same - no one talking?
My hubby had a solution one night when I was crying, he suggested I call and ask them what is the matter? Maybe they are just so busy with their own lives they don't think about me. I guess that is a solution I will have to ponder. Maybe they are waiting for me to ask, waiting for me to decide for them. Oh, well, I will have to write more on this later. We shall see.
This was circling around on FB yesterday and I had already done my blog post for the day so as I sat here reading this it really made me THINK. That is the point right.
At the moment, I'm not sure I really exist in many peoples lives. I did a test for most of 2015 and it's exactly what I thought. If I don't call people including family, they don't call either. I have a feeling this will make some people mad - oh well.
Do you think a text is the same thing as calling?
Do you wonder why I don't call?
Do you wonder if I'm ok?
Do you wonder if I am still alive?
Do you wonder anything about me.
Do you think of me?
Do I still exist?
Do I have family?
Do I have siblings?
Do I have friends?
When I hear Songs I think of ....
1.) Why are there so many songs about rainbows - Kermit - DB
2.) Jump - VanHalen - TH
3.) Journey - any of them really - CL
4.) Private Dancer - Tina Turner - DU
5.) Yellow Submarine - DB
6.) Neil Young - Again any song - TS
I too wonder about the story part - Growing up I had what I considered a best friend. We went to the same church and different schools. But since I was active in our church and so was she we were able to spend time together. As we grew up things changed when I move here to LP. I did not have a phone so we wrote back and forth. I 'm not sure why or what changed but we were not as close and that part makes sense. I would contact her when I was home and we would get together. We sat together at church and talked like we had just seen each other. One year it changed big time. We had planned to get together and I had borrowed my moms car, I took her to work so I would have it for our meeting. When I got back home there was a message from her ... I had forgotten I promised my SIL that we would get together and sew for the day. I was shocked!!! That is your OUT. You are sewing with your SIL. I called her back and she would not budge. I was so hurt and mad that she did this. She could sew any day. I tried the next few times to get together and she either didn't answer the phone or didn't have time. One time I saw her in my moms favorite restaurant. She was behind us but I recognized her voice. I turned and spoke to her. She was quiet and I said a few things and we left. I never saw her again. Move forward to a few years ago. My first friend here in Lake Placid was really sick and was dying from throat cancer. We had a great chat and I brought up this event. He said - you know, you should probably try to contact her and let her know you are thinking about her... Funny. I did - I called her at the church she was working for and it was like pulling teeth. I asked several questions and she gave 1 word answers and asked nothing in return. Eventually I gave up and hung up the phone. I still think of her today and wonder what I did...I sent several cards asking what I did, What Happened to us.. Today - I still don't know.
I sent one final card 2 years ago at Christmas saying this was my final contact and have a great life. Since you don't want to tell me what I did - I'm going to assume I did nothing and the problem is YOU! Well I hope you are happy. Merry Christmas and thanks for nothing. I thought that I might get a response but again NOPE. I really think about her and the funny part is -
* She worked for a church
* She's a Christian
* She has a family and they don't really talk.
* Her parents think we still are in contact... um I left in 1981.
Gets funnier - she lives on the same street as my brother... lol - I would so love to go back and maybe take a walk around the neighbor hood and wait to see if I see her. The look would be worth what I have been thinking for years.
So, if you are thinking of someone today as you read this - CONTACT them. They might be dead the next time you think about them and you would have missed out. - That story for a different day.
