We waste so much time and energy on people that clearly don't care about us. Why is that? Why do we need people to like us? Why do we expect people to like us? I wonder that all the time. It seems like if someone does not care about me or for me I spend energy analyzing what I have done or more often - what have I done to this person to make them dislike me. Am I the problem or am I the solution. I try so hard to figure it out that I think I am going crazy. I reach out and get no response. I call and no response. What if these people are my family - aren't they supposed to like me?
I try to act like it does not bother me, however it bothers me a lot. Quick example - birthdays come and go. For theirs I FB message, text and CALLED on the phone. I actually spoke to them for a bit. Mostly about work or the kids - not what I would have considered personal at all. My birthday comes along and I get FB messages. No one bothered to call. It really makes me sad as this was exactly what my mom predicted would happen. We gathered there in March and reassured her we would all be fine and together. After mom died and we spent a week together doing things, I was thinking well maybe her thinking was just that thinking about what would happened when she left this world. I think I have spoken to 1 once in 3 years - because I called on the birthday. 2 of them just a handful of times - again because I call. I was determined at Christmas not to call. I did not and neither did they. One I speak with all the time as we are in the same boat. No one includes her calls her, nothing. It's really sad and I am glad I have her. What happened after mom died? I think that they were all so busy and together and I was away that they no longer think I am part of their family or a sibling. Is that possible? We have always been so close - at least I thought. Do they blame me because I was not there for the months they were all taking care of her? Do they blame me for not allowing mom to come out the last 2 years? I try not to make this about me, but since I talk to no one that is what I have come up with. I pray about this daily and wonder if they do too? Do I have the wrong attitude? What am I supposed to think? What am I to do? Keep doing the same - no one talking?
My hubby had a solution one night when I was crying, he suggested I call and ask them what is the matter? Maybe they are just so busy with their own lives they don't think about me. I guess that is a solution I will have to ponder. Maybe they are waiting for me to ask, waiting for me to decide for them. Oh, well, I will have to write more on this later. We shall see.
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